The Midnight Meat Train

Based on a short story by Clive Barker, The Midnight Meat Train (2008) tells the story of Mahogany (Vinnie Jones) an NYC serial killer whose preferred hunting ground is late night subway trains. But that's just the beginning. It gets a good deal more complex than that, but unfortunately that's not always a good thing. The highly stylized potential this film shows at the start slowly spirals out of control, derailing into a half-hearted Lovecraftian mess.

Leon (Bradley Cooper) is a struggling freelance photographer, trying to make it big in NYC's indie art scene controlled by the brutally critical Susan Hoff, portrayed solidly here by Brooke Shields. To meet with Hoff's approval, he'll need to score some stunning photos of what he dubs "the real New York," the strange and corrupt underbelly of the city at night. Much to the chagrin of his girlfriend Maya (Leslie Bibb), Leon embarks on a series of night shoots, carefully tracking down his moments. But when he becomes obsessed with the disappearance of a model whose picture he snapped, his sanity begins to unravel. Stalking the man he believes responsible, the subway butcher, Leon enters into a world of death and ancient evil that he can barely comprehend.

Don't get me wrong. I love the premise. I really was hooked through the first 25 minutes or so of the film, and intermittently after that. But the script is so disappointingly uneven. The film would gain so much momentum, have me on the edge of my seat, only to bring me crashing down when the tension is utterly deflated by some drawn out, melodramatic relationship-establishing scene. Yawn. And the mythos behind our killer, Mahogany? It's such a scattered and ill-conceived mess. Poorly written and poorly executed. Why couldn't they have tried for a backstory that was a little more manageable? They tried to shoot the moon and they missed by a mile.

And speaking of poor writing, Clive Barker continues his decades-long trend of having no idea how to write convincing women characters. His critics have long denounced him as a misogynist for his literary treatment of women. I don't think I'd go that far, but he certainly has little understanding of the female psyche. He got it right once, with Candyman's (1992) protagonist Helen Lyle, but that may have been more to do with Virginia Madsen's excellent performance than anything else. At best, Barker's portrayal of women is illogical, at worst it is incredibly annoying. MMT's Maya is no exception to either of those extremes.

Oh yeah, and Bradley Cooper has been woefully miscast here. He just doesn't have what it takes to portray a complexly developing character like Leon. His transformation from a meek little photographer into a freelance criminal investigator and beyond is just not believable. In fact, it's actually kinda laughable.

As for the effects.... I can't be the only one who finds these over-the-top CGI graphics incredibly tacky and dumb. I just can't. Do the directors actually view these scenes and say, "Yeah, that looks not only realistic, but really great."? Because both those statements are patently untrue. I'm sorry, but the effects for this film (the computer effects, anyway) were just fucking silly. Ugh. On the positive side, the cinematography is outstanding. Great use of color. The subway is immediately represented as a dangerous place by a sickly gray-green-blue hue. In fact, the subway sequences are all great. Great set design, incredible tracking shots and long shots, and a richly rendered atmosphere of dread and claustrophobia.

The best aspect of the movie really is the character of Mahogany, and Vinnie Jones's great performance. The kills are inventive, the main weapon is unique among all the slasher films I've ever seen, and Jones is perfect for the role. Monstrous, menacing, yet virtually silent. The guy says literally three words the entire film, but his presence is enormous. Bravo, Vinnie. One of the best villains in recent memory. Unfortunately, it just wasn't enough to make this film anything more than mediocre.

Storyline & plot: 5/10
Cinematography & effects: 5/10
Music & mood: 6/10
Performances: 5/10

The Reverend says: 5/10